I Shouldn't Feel Scared On My Runs


There should be one thing and one thing that I should be worried about when I go for a run and that is that one of my many slow indie songs appears on shuffle and I loose momentum or simply like the other night I have a rather large excited great dane want to play fetch half way into the 4th mile. I should not have to worry about the fear of the possibility of the person walking on the other side of the road, robbing my phone, calling out abuse or even worse attacking me. Why has it become the normality of so many women to be scared to go out on their own at night. Why is it a joke that when I leave my friend and see a crowd of people her joke is she will hold her keys between her fingers 'just in case' and why am I getting a funny look when I turn my phone flash light on so it is clearly to see over my shoulder in the dark. And yes I know what you're thinking, "why don't you just run in the day time?" "Why don't you just run on main roads?"and "don't be silly people don't get attacked in real life, that's just crime watch making you scared from that one time in 2004.".... no not that last one, okay then just me, but I think you get what I mean, how has making sure locations are set on my phone, I cross the road from a group of guys and pausing my music so I can hear if someone is approaching me now the set and accepted thing for me when all I wanna do is try and loose some tummy chub and dream of hitting 5 miles before I start back up at uni again.   I should not 1. have to fear every time I leave the house on my own once the sun has gone in and 2. you shouldn't be telling me to run in brighter day light or in safer places, you should be telling people it is not okay to make someone feel scared or even create the idea that something bad could happen. 

I am 5ft 10inches, I am a size 14/16, there is no hiding the fact I am not petite or small, I can in some circumstances hold my own, so I will always be the one to offer to walk friends back so they are not on my their and I am the one walking back on my own that is just how I have always been, but I've found myself asking the question a lot lately, you know since I've been going on more runs due to me finally getting my arse in gear and trying this healthy life style kick, why is there in the first place even this idea about being scared to be a female out on my own at night. I'm not even falling into the hideous stereotype of dressing 'like I'm asking for it' which by the way is another moan for another time, but I could be walking down the street with nothing but a sign show casting the words: "boobs" and I still would not be offering you any kind of invitation in any way, at all, not even 0.000001% of an invite to come over to me. So when sweaty Alice is running down the streets at night, hair pulled back, resembling the head mistress from Matilda, a wonderful mustard yellow Adidas top which achieves all the effects of showing every ounce of sweat I produce and the bottom half of my unshaven shines on display there is no stereotype that dictates I would draw any attention to myself from the opposite sex..... so why do I still feel vulnerable when out on my own at night. 

Why should I be told to stay safe and boys and men are not told to "be sure you eat your dinner, don't loose your wallet oh and yeah don't attack any girls as they walk through the street alone tonight, bye Dave." why is this the conversation that we don't hear. 
Instead why am I always hearing these:
" Be sure to message when you get home so I know you got there safe."
"Don't walk that way those boys hang around there drinking this time of night."
"Oh I'll just call you a taxi that'll be safer." 
"Be sure to have your phone on at all times but don't have it on display as people will see it and might think they could steal it." 
"Maybe you should walk round in trousers and change into the skirt when you get there?" 
"Have my number on speed dial!" 

Why are girls taught this is how you stop anyone hurting you, and this is how we protect ourselves, yes in an ideal world no one would hurt anyone and I know it would be stupid to say and assume that everyone is good but surely you can hope just a little bit more or even try to understand why we are the ones protecting ourselves and it isn't people telling guys to not carry out these actions in the first place, that would and now I know this is my opinion but that would make things a hell of a lot better in everyones eyes if you ask me. 

I want to be able to go on a run and not have to speed up when running past a group of lads, I don;t want to have to change my route cause I can see someone walking towards me on the same side of the street and I certainly don't want to have to cut my run short cause I think someone might be following me.

God dam it I'm just a girl trying to reach a target and burn some bread off. 



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