One foot In The Real World, One Still in Bed


I don't know about you but I am constantly trying to justify to myself that I am growing up and that there is now no running away from the fact that people will call me an adult, so maybe it should stop being a surprise when it hits me at random times that I'm not a child anymore, I mean I'm not even a teenager anymore. It's little things you know, the fact I live with people who even though are only a year younger then me, are in fact still called teenagers, the fact I still live at home when I'm not at uni and strongly rely on my mum so my clothes are clean and to make my bed for, or is it the fact I'm still in a job and a position that I've been in for, for nearly 3 years and still only a sales assistant; these are the things that keep me grounded in the area of I'm not ready to be an adult. But then on the hand I think I am, I get involved in politics, I understand what debt and an overdraft is and I can totally cook a whole Christmas dinner for a flat of 7 including 2 vegetarians. So I'm in this limbo of the middle of being adult and still not ready to hang up my child gloves. So where does that put me in the looks of everything. Am I an adult or am I just trying to be and keeping it fun? 


When people say I remember it like it was yesterday it's just always one of those things that get stuck in my head because there are certain things that I can still recite like it was happening to me now and you wanted a detailed play by play of everything from the weather to the lunch I ate that day then I could give it to you.  And thinking about time going by is one of those Brian Cox things that hurt your head the deeper you get, the more you think about growing up and getting older will forever be something that my writing, fashion focused brain just simply cannot comprehend, but time going on is something that is forcing me into he adult world, I mean really I have no choice, unless I wanna spend my days locked in my room at home never leaving never moving on then adult life is something I will be pushed head first into without a choice or even a vote. Alice better hold onto her hat, magazine collection and soft cushions all before bills, cable and weekly shopping become the most important things in your life. 20 will seem like a breeze in 10 years. 

I've finished my first year of university, and it's kinda scary as hell that I only have to go through this twice more before I am well and truly done with education forever, I will be expected to move out, buy a house and have a real job, the days of living with my mum and not paying money for a roof over my head will have felt quite literally been like the good old days. I am doing the very student thing and celebrating finishing first year by going out three nights in a row all at once and now only have I decided that I might not be able to do that, this weird limbo of not quite and adult but still not really a child has brought along with it a weird 'I can't handle that much alcohol or nights out anymore.' Instead I need a break and a good week to recover, this is something that I will not be getting over the next week. 

There is a long list of things that I'm not quite ready to add to the list of things I already have, does this mean I need to knock some off in order to make them all fit? 

- Bill paying, I kinda like my money to clothes and food 
- Making important phone calls, I called Legal and general the other week and never want to do it again.
- A 9-5 job, I love my 4 hour shifts and then go home and do whatever I want to.
- People calling me old, I never want anyone to call me old, like seriously, ever. 
- Not living with my dogs, I miss them more then my left arm, you know if I was to loose my left arm. 

I'm comfortable being what I am, I don't like the sound of adult just yet but I hate been called a child and can't be called a teenager anymore, so I'll sit in this weird place of limbo for as long as I can and then when I have to face the real world, well then I'll do the adult thing and drink a bottle of wine to drown my sorrows.
Oh wait I do that already. 


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