I Don't Want It To Happen Again

I've been trying hard to keep myself in a good place lately. I've been doing all the little things that I give out as advice and never normally listen to myself. You know, love your self more, get up early exercise 4 times a week and don't listen to negative comments but I guess it does just kinda all come along at once sometimes. You know that scene in Friends when Rachel is describing how crappy her life is at the moment; the whole "there's rock bottom and then there's me," yeah I'm relating to that big time at the moment. I know I don't have any reason to, I mean it isn't that I'm going through too much, yes it's coming close to the end of my first year at uni, and I don't and can't quite bring myself to think that I'll be moving back home again soon for the summer. It isn't to say I don't want to be home but I just love living away so much that I think my head and over thinking is taking control again and suddenly the worse things will happen when I move out. I don't want to worry about having to find a new job for the summer as I kinda like the one I have now and on the same hand wish I could get by without working and also know that I need to safe super hard in order to do all the things that I want to this year. I want to be able to go on holiday and I want to be able to buy nice things and go and see my flat mates wherever they might be in the country and I don't want to miss anything, all while being able to work and go to enough things on a poor students budget. 


I know it sounds like theres a lot of nothing which I'm making into something at the minuet, but I just don't want to feel like I'm bad again. I know I ruin things when I get in a bad place. Because basically I take it out on the people that don't deserve it. So I feel that if I write it on here then I'll be able to get it all out of my head. Ideally I should go on a run and take it out that way but then I've just sat and ate a whole chocolate orange so that won't be happening just now. The thing is when I write things like this it really is just to pour my head out. This is what I started writing when I first started doing this so in my head no one is reading this. But it's one of those things when in my head I say no one mention it to me. Once it's out here then it's out of my head then it's gone. 


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