I Need Lessons In Being an Adult



I wouldn't say that now suddenly I have been 20 for nearly 4 months that I have learnt everything there is to know about tax, buying the right food and what clothes to not put in the tumble dryer, but if I'm honest I didn't know that was a thing I had to learn, somewhere in the back of my mind I just thought it became natural the moment you left your teenage years, you know like people start to listen more once that 'teen' section has left the end of your age or like you realise you left school 4 years ago and never actually learnt anything to help you get by in life. So why didn't I suddenly turn in an adult. The only thing I can say about turning 20 is that the amount of times I dress like a cool mum has increased to a near 3 a week. But I'm still wearing bright pink and orange eye shadow so that has to count for something right. I'm still young at heart?

I didn't really know what to expect once I became and 'adult' and the reason that world is in those silly marks is clear to the fact that I don't think I am one. I mean I have no full time job, I am still technically still a student at least for another 2 years and it takes dreadlocks to form in my hair for my too brush it, so really being an 'adult' isn't something I see myself achieving just yet. But does that mean that I'm not suppose to at least try. 
I'm one of the oldest in my year, November, it's pretty soon after September, 2 months after in fact and so I was 20 quite a bit before some of my friends, and that's saying something because my number of friends is a very small gang, so to beat them in age is an accomplishment in it's own right. But now they're turning 20, they're becoming adults too. So is this a group thing, shall we get through altogether singing Kumbaya or shall we drag each other one at a time, birthday by birthday into the no teen years. I would like to thing the first option is the only option but then when the first phrase out of a newly turned 20 year olds mouth is 'ah shit I'm 20' I think the latter is the one soon too be winning in how this is getting handled. 
So far my greatest struggle in life is how can I get the white tack marks off my bedroom wall before my mum realises the only option is too repaint it. But I'm sure someone who has their life on track and understands about house redecorating would suggest some potion combined with bicarbonate of soda which would simply work a treat. But of course I choose to Youtube it and just make the whole situation a lot worse. So am I a bad adult, or does that mean that my adult brain takes longer than 4 months to develop? I mean of course I'm grown up in knowing that my flat mate shouldn't put tin foil in the microwave and that the same flat mate shouldn't tumble dry woollen polo tops but at the same time I have no idea how to take a book out of the university library and still use Google maps to literally get me anywhere, so you could say that each point has a positive and a negative. Each time I think I'm moving up the adult ladder something silly seems to push me back down 4 steps, and it takes me a while to get back there again. Lets hope that by the time I gain another year in my 20's I'll know what other seasonings to use other then salt, pepper, chilli and garlic.


I don't like trying to make myself grown up. Take today for example. While traveling back from my best friends university we stopped in the same service station we had made out break in while on the way home from Reading festival last August. Cast my mind back a couple of hours and I was just happy that this time we were both wearing clean clothes, we had no glitter on our faces and we had 100% had a shower in the past 24hrs; so 19 year old festival goer Alice and Caitlin had progressed in the world of service station etiquette. But put 'together' wouldn't be the term to describe us if you had seen us eating our footlong subways in the same booth we had taken 6 months before as if we had never eaten in our lives. (Caitlin is a mother newly lost 'teen' turnt 20 year old.) Yet as someone once said, every victory is a victory in itself so I guess it counts for something. Yes to 100% knowing the underwear I have on is clean....Yes to totally knowing I had clean underwear on, defiantly had showered and did't smell like a farm animal of some sort. No to thinking that a foot long Subway was what you needed and thinking it was a bright idea to have apple Tango as your drink of choice. 

My 'oh my god we're adults now' conversations have seemed to jump up in numbers and the continued running joke that I am in fact 45 throughout my flat mates has become normality, but what isn't normality is knowing that I'm 10 years away from 30 and half way to 40. Do people really expect me to me married in 5 years and have a child on the way. I won't even be done with education in hopes until I'm 23 and I can safely say that Alice will want some good times when she finally has her degree and the magazine empire she knows she'll break into, hopefully before I'm viewed as being too old to wear strange clothes and religiously read ManRepeller. (Note to self, don't stop reading ManRepeller, Leandra is your spirit animal and gives your big earring obsession so much inspo.)

The only way I can possibly describe it is when you know you've done something amazing or something amazing has happened to you and it doesn't quite sink in that it has in fact happened. Like when I moved into university I kept thinking to myself it was a school holiday, it would last for 2 weeks and I'd be back home with my mum and my dog and that would be it, but infact I'm still there I'm still living 200 miles away from my mum and dogs, and still surviving on my own, that's what turning 20 feels like, it feels like a lot should change and you think a lot will but infact you kinda just feel the same. Cause 19 was a rubbish age, songs like 'Not 19 forever' suddenly speak to you on so many more levels and just because people expect you to start being mature you think you should but 19 year old Alice didn't change that much over night to suddenly become immature compared to 20 year old Alice. 


I read somewhere once, or maybe that's just be trying to sound mature, someone showed me a meme that said: 80% of people meet their future life partner by the time they're 21. I laughed at it at the time, you know while washing up my dirty dishes that had been left for a week and hiding my silent tears behind the running tap water, but it did kinda make me think, am I expected to be settled down round about now, are people looking at me weird thinking 'there's no way she'll be married and have kids by 25.' am I the other 20%? 
I know people who are my age and even younger that have 5 year plans, it involves everything from engagements to children to marriage. Shock horror I don't have a 5 year plan, I mean bloody hell I literally can't even plan what I'm wearing to a night out tomorrow let alone the age I want to tie the knot. But does that mean I should start thinking about that very soon. I mean in 5 years time I will be 25. That's the age that getting pregnant turns from 'she's a little young' to 'congratulations' and looking at a ring with diamonds suddenly becomes a diamond ring. So as I sit here with face products on that I have stolen from my mum as I am too poor to afford them myself, I wonder if a plan is what I need, not a 5 year plan or even a 1 ear plan but more of a plan of things I think I should be doing. Something which makes me prove to myself that I can improve to do something different from moving on from 18 to 20. Something more then just learning to like avocados and my taste of beetroot. That's not too much to ask is it?

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