Well I'm Back.... Without a Bang

I seem to have a love hate, love hate, hate hate relationship with blogging at the minuet, it isn't that I don't want to write anything I mean it isn't even that I don't have the time, I just don't think that what I'm doing right now justifies being written about. 
I wrote in my journal for the first time since December this morning and have come to the conclusion that I haven't really done anything which would be at all good to write about, nothing... not even one nearly funny story about anything, or maybe it's just I'm not finding it funny at this moment in time. And as of last night sitting on my sofa in my house alone, watching star trek and drinking fruit cider that I went out in my pyjamas to buy have I ever felt more on the same level as Bridget Jones as I did last night. I don't know someone might think that isn't a bad thing but for me easily staying on the sofa for 4 days until my mum gets home or I get called into work shouldn't be the only option for me, I should want to go out and do things, spend my time trying to be spontaneous, but at the minuet that just doesn't seem like the thing that is going down inside Alice's brain. 
I don't know who knows no maybe after finally finishing college and having a break I'm allowing myself to have a little well deserved rest, but I don't like it. I don't want this rest to turn into laziness. Not in the sense of the word were exercise is the enemy (which by the way it still is,) but by where I just don't want to do anything other then sit in my room and just do nothing. That isn't me and that isn't where I want to be or what I want to be doing. 
It is so easy to get annoyed at myself for not having enough money, or not having enough free time but then I just kinda thought I need to make that time for myself and just get up and do stuff. I mean writing this took me nearly an hour to start and the promise of downloading HBO's Girls onto my laptop, so you can kinda see where I'm coming from on the motivational factor. The factor that I have none, right now that is the hardest thing for me, it's become too easy for me to not to anything and that's the place I don't want to be. 
I realise that this is the first real thing I have wrote in a while and really there is no excuse or reason behind it. I tried to blame it on college and coursework but I have the time to do other things so why not this, why have I not been able to sit down and find something funny to write about, or not even funny, something self loving and boosting..... but no nothing. Nothing for a long time, I know that this is sounding a little heavy of hear and a little maybe too open, but of well, I've had enough of simply just talking about what shoes I wore today and who wore what best on the red carpet. 
Okay so no that sounded wrong, that isn't what I meant, I still what to do that yes I love doing that but just I want a little more, I want to be able to write about all the things I enjoy reading about, all the things I enjoy writing about, and if that doesn't really fit into a certain type of blog then oh well I'll round it all up and call it 'Lifestyle'. 
I'm admitting to myself that I had a plan for where this post was going but really now it has just become a rant about anything and everything in between. This is what happens when I'm faced with the factor of being on my own for 4 days, my crazy starts to show.  I have a plan to do a "look at me I'm writing again." but that soon turns into a ramble about anything and everything. If you've come this far then well done, I don't even remember what I started of writing, hopefully it wasn't too boring and dull, I'm sure I'll bring the sarcasm back again some time soon. 

Love Always
xAx 

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